I started writing this post 2 weeks ago, and my main point was to share the struggles as a military wife. So I started the post writing about how hard has been for me get used to the military life, but while I was writing about it, I realized people that were around me were spouses in the same or worst situation. Being a military spouse is not easy, but makes me proud to be the one beside the man the wears those heavy boots and sacrifices his life and freedom for his country.
When I married my husband, he told me that accepting him is also accepting the military life as well. I was so in love that I never cared about that fact until we started living together. That was when the struggles began. The curfews, the dependency, the PCSing, the holidays away from family, the list goes on and on. I remember myself complaining and feeling so frustrated and sometimes even crying, but I didn’t see how hard it was for my husband dealing with his job and military duties for years and on top of that having me complain and seeing my frustration and unhappiness. Nevertheless, I was never alone, even with his busy schedule and stress from work, he always was there giving me his support.
Through all this process of adjustment, I witnessed the struggles of others military wives, some similar or even in worse situations than myself. This made me learn to appreciate and recognize our sacrifices as a support of our loved ones in the military, and instead of feeling down, learn to admire our lives as military wives.
During our overseas assignments, I found myself in a hard times finding a job, first because I am not an American citizen and I did not have the nationality of the country of where we were living. This was why my options of finding a decent job that could even pay me enough to pay daycare was out of the question. So we decided that I would stay at home, this has made me become an introvert person. I didn’t realize this until I heard my husband saying that I don’t like to meet people…I was never this way…I love to talk, I love to help, I love to make friends…or so I thought. I realized that I wasn’t where I wanted to be, and this idea never left my mind and it made me question myself. How could I have felt this way if I was happy, I would never change anything that I had, I love my husband even more as the days go by, I have 2 precious daughters, we are overall healthy, I could not be more blessed. Why did I feel that I was not where I wanted to be? This idea made for sleepless nights and during the day, I felt that I was not good enough. I was depressed and I cried when no one was around. This was my only way to take all those feelings out and recharged myself so that others would not find out what is actually going on inside me.
I became less sociable, because I felt that being a stay-at-home mom was not something that made me feel proud, I was totally wrong!!!! Being a stay-at-home mom was a privilege that I could not have with my first daughter, and now that I have it, I was letting it go without enjoying it. It took me too long to realized so many things because my fear of worrying that someone would make a big deal of something that really wasn’t. Military spouses and also kids, hide their feelings and insecurities so that it does not cause any extra troubles to military active duty ones and more work than they already have. But this fact should not ever limit us to follow our dreams.
I started college this past January, and I was surprised how many military spouses are in my classes, their stories are unique, but we all share the same feelings and excitement about this new chapter in our lives. Some of them are motivated by the their kids and their desire to be a good example for them and some of them, like me, for their self-esteem. I feel that I have so much to give and to be able to give it, you need to nurture yourself with knowledge and confidence. Because you can not give something that you don’t have inside. There is nothing wrong with getting motivated because your kids, but you deserve to get better for you, not just for them. Give them the example to love their selves before anyone else. It starts with you!!!
Depression is silent. It gets you when no one is around, it lies to you and tricks you, do not let it manage your life because it can end it. You are not alone, trust me, we never were and we never will be! Talk about your feelings, be transparent, say aloud what hurts you and makes you happy, because solutions will never appear if you don’t show clearly what the problem is.
Look around you, help someone, smile everyday to everyone, you don’t know how a simple friendly gesture can save someones day or even life.